I saw a meme on the internet the other day which said something along the lines of: “in 2000 years, no one will know the difference between a butt dial and a booty call…and THAT is why the Bible is difficult to read.”
And I thought, wow, I never thought I’d read “booty call” and “Bible” in the same sentence, but here we are.
Listen…..the sentiment is true.
Even as I’m writing my book, I have so many sayings and what can only be dubbed as “intensely American” vernacular that it could make someone from a foreign country choose to either throw the book out of their car window or even into their fireplace.
The ancient people were not different from us. They wrote in anecdotes. They wrote in metaphors. They wrote with inside jokes in mind.
And, obviously, some of them don’t translate well now because we don’t get it.
So, let’s take today as an easy day in the Substack world and go over some Hebrew slang (a.k.a. slang from the Old Testament, and specifically 30 of them).
When someone’s face has fallen: it means they are sad.
it does NOT mean they were decapitated.
When the word “seed” is mentioned: it generally means descendants or making future descendants.
it does NOT imply they are planting a garden
bonus: the word “loins” means the same thing, for OBVIOUS reasons
When a group possess gates: it means that group captures cities.
it does NOT mean they work for a fencing company
When the Bible ever mentions the way of women: it means their cycle.
it does NOT mean any behavioral traits that may be generally referring to women
bonus: “her sickness” also implies this, and is not referring to leprosy
“Sweet water”: it means water suitable to drink.
it does not mean they flavored their water with Splenda
When a verse refers to a heart melting: it means they lose courage.
it does NOT mean something cute happened
it is actually very NOT cute to lose courage in the Bible
When the Bible says the “beginning of his strength”: it is referring to “his” first born.
this is a burn for all of “his” other children
“Squat outside”: it refers to using the restroom.
it does NOT mean they were homeless or went camping
50/50 chance that when someone is “sleeping” in the Bible, they died.
use discretion when figuring this one out
there is only one Ghost in the Bible, and his name is the Holy Ghost
A favorite saying among Jewish folk, the phrase “gird up your loins” refers to getting ready.
When the Bible says that they were looking each other in the face: they are meeting each other in battle.
parents: be careful when you tell your toddlers this, for obvious reasons
When someone “stiffened his neck”: it means they became stubborn.
it does NOT mean he needs a chiropractor, but it might have helped
A burn from a Psalm: “tongue struts through the earth”
someone who arrogantly orders everyone around
Sometimes “feet” is not referring to feet, but instead referring to people.
Sometimes when it says “my name”, it is just referring to the person.
Similar to Rev. Dr. Nikki talking in the third person
When the Bible is talking about “walls”: it sometimes refers to pain.
Food for Thought with the Rev. Dr.: it is interesting to think about the wall of Jericho in relation to this Hebrew saying.
To “lift a horn” means you are defying God.
If an eye is “consumed”, it means their vision is blurred.
A fun one used in Job: “knew no quiet in their bellies”
they were greedy, not hungry
“Hearts and kidneys” refers to thoughts and emotions.
If someone is “small of hand”, they are weak.
Another burn from a Psalm: “their throat is an open grave”
they speak deceitfully
this could have been inspiration for Taylor Swift’s “Mean”, but cannot confirm or deny
50/50 chance that a “house” refers to a “nation.”
If someone was given “another heart”, they got a massive attitude check.
“Let fall” means to neglect.
I recommend you read Esther 6:10 to better explain the usage
If you have “slack hands”, you are abandoning something or someone.
If someone is “long of anger”, they actually aren’t angry for long periods of time. Instead, they are SLOW to anger.
If someone had a “soft heart”, they were fearful.
One I don’t enjoy typing: “remove the foreskin of your heart”
it means dedicate yourselves fully to God, don’t be gross.
“Little man of the eye” actually refers to a pupil….and no one knows why.
See? 30 of them wasn’t so bad, now was it?
Go read with confidence. Thanks for being here.
I’ll see you Tuesday at noon (EST).
